Category: goals

please forgive me

it’s a good thing i took vacation so i could get poison oak and not be able to go back to work the day i’m supposed to. instead i went to the urgent care for a cortisone shot. hope it kicks in soon. i feel like a zombie with a flesh-eating virus.

i’m watching a johnny depp movie called The Ninth Gate. it’s old-ish. mellow but creepy. cool stuff.

i have soaked myself in baking soda paste, apple cider vinagar. taken hot showers. used calamine lotion, hydro cortisone ointment, tea tree oil, etc etc. my reaction is pretty severe.

it is definitely time for me to start making some changes. should i wait til the new year? haha. i feel guilty every time i eat, now. i know that i am FAT and having my abdomen all swollen from the poison oak is only making that more obvious to me. i caved to this today because i had to wait for two hours at the urgent care. it’s no excuse. i had other options. this type of food comforts me, duh. i’m gonna change my habits really soon!!!

but eating food is so much fun! look at all the wonderful things you can eat! why can’t it be GOOD for me??

this movie i’m watchong, The Ninth Gate, is like reading a book or watching an after-school special mystery. very slow and soothing.
perfect for a sick day.
roman polanski

so, my mom and i took a trip to go visit my sister in socal.
my sister made us turkey dinner. neither i nor my mother really helped much. my sister made it look so easy, like help would only get in the way.

it was all delicious.

it’s hard to get pics when you are living life and busy and in the moment, etc. didn’t get a lot of pics…

sweet potatoes, green bean casserole. i really didn’t help make any of this. i feel bad about that, can you tell? i just didn’t have any energy and i think it’s because i was busy coming down with an epic case of poison oak. oy!

also, nobody really understands me and it’s like i am from another planet or something.
life can be awkward.

my mom took me to eat at in n out. i wasn’t hungry but i wanted to eat in n out with my mom, so i did. isn’t it lovely? so picturesque. i already facebooked it and made it my profile pic. saying there that the best part is the crispy inside part of the bun.

went to my sister’s gym with her to check out her routine. i was quite successful at disrupting her routine horribly. i apparently have gym A.D.D. and every other kind of A.D.D., too, most likely.

that must be why she is in much better shape than i!? plus a lot of other reasons.
had to borrow her flip flops because i forgot mine at the hotel.

i really do have to start going to the gym. i just have to make it be a part of my day. none of this “i’ll do it tomorrow” b.s. because tomorrow never comes. or it does come, but i do not go.

no excuses! it’s prescribed. must fit it in! mandatory. required. and i must begin to show some restraint and responsibility when it comes to what i eat. don’t indulge the bulge.


ready for round three?

sand2 395
okay, so here is winner numero dos.
it’s a pink gingham ann taylor LOFT. seems brand new.
it’s quite dignified
nicely tailored. i like where the waist sits.


sand2 396
i feel both ladylike and comfortable. perfect for a picnic.

i made homemade chicken soup just now. it’s on the stove.

so domestic of me, right?

sand2 388
this is the best one. don’t you think it would be perfs for SF/Haight Street? yes, yes it would. very pucci. unfortch it was made in china, but at least i bought it second-hand.

sand2 389
i hope you like it. i do.

sand2 390
computers are endlessly annoying.

yeah, so i hope you enjoyed this installment of the never-ending saga of carrie-trying-on-dresses.
(to be cont’d)
(at a later date… out of photos for now)

close your eyes and relax

i want to talk about something other than what’s in the pictures.
i just washed my hair and i don’t know where my good hairbrush is, the one that is good when my hair is wet. this happens all the time. i never know where anything is.

i just took a shower and i want to blowdry my hair because i never do and it would hopefully look prettier if i put some effort into it. but my back hurts and i don’t want to get dressed or stand up.
but i have to.
the easiest thing to do would be to put on my green summer dress.

but that is not what i did.

so, think what you want, but this is me, now.
old, deformed.
it’s true and it’s how i feel, so this is my blog and i can say so if i want. this is also why i am going to the gym. i am being brave and courageous.

i weigh 150 lbs right now.
my back kills me and my core needs major work.
i need a lot of cardio and i need lots of muscle tone to help support my skeleton, crippled as it may be.

anyway, i am very glad i joined the gym and it is going to change my life for the better. i already did an aerobics class called R.I.P.P.E.D. it was HA-larious.

i am so out of shape and uncoordinated. not a negative statement, simply truth.

plus i am a hermit so it is a big deal for me to go out and mingle with the commoners. so to speak. just kidding. you know what i mean.

lots of things to do at the gym and people to see/watch.

yesterday i tried every single machine i was interested in because the place was basically dead, so i didn’t feel very awkward.
there are all kinds of people there, not just hotties with bodies.

it looks like i have a huge gut here. and i do.
but, it is very nice to use this ab machine thing.
it is much easier on the back than floor situps.

not the best picture, but i am more like doing the best i can to try and document this new experience in my life and it is awkward and weird but whatever.

i’m out of practice.

i guess that’s all the pictures i have to torture your eyes with for now!!!