Category: goals

please forgive me

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it’s a good thing i took vacation so i could get poison oak and not be able to go back to work the day i’m supposed to. instead i went to the urgent care for a cortisone shot. hope it kicks in soon. i feel like a zombie with a flesh-eating virus.

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i’m watching a johnny depp movie called The Ninth Gate. it’s old-ish. mellow but creepy. cool stuff.

i have soaked myself in baking soda paste, apple cider vinagar. taken hot showers. used calamine lotion, hydro cortisone ointment, tea tree oil, etc etc. my reaction is pretty severe.

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it is definitely time for me to start making some changes. should i wait til the new year? haha. i feel guilty every time i eat, now. i know that i am FAT and having my abdomen all swollen from the poison oak is only making that more obvious to me. i caved to this today because i had to wait for two hours at the urgent care. it’s no excuse. i had other options. this type of food comforts me, duh. i’m gonna change my habits really soon!!!

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but eating food is so much fun! look at all the wonderful things you can eat! why can’t it be GOOD for me??

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this movie i’m watchong, The Ninth Gate, is like reading a book or watching an after-school special mystery. very slow and soothing.
perfect for a sick day.
roman polanski

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so, my mom and i took a trip to go visit my sister in socal.
my sister made us turkey dinner. neither i nor my mother really helped much. my sister made it look so easy, like help would only get in the way.

it was all delicious.

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it’s hard to get pics when you are living life and busy and in the moment, etc. didn’t get a lot of pics…

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sweet potatoes, green bean casserole. i really didn’t help make any of this. i feel bad about that, can you tell? i just didn’t have any energy and i think it’s because i was busy coming down with an epic case of poison oak. oy!

also, nobody really understands me and it’s like i am from another planet or something.
life can be awkward.

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my mom took me to eat at in n out. i wasn’t hungry but i wanted to eat in n out with my mom, so i did. isn’t it lovely? so picturesque. i already facebooked it and made it my profile pic. saying there that the best part is the crispy inside part of the bun.

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went to my sister’s gym with her to check out her routine. i was quite successful at disrupting her routine horribly. i apparently have gym A.D.D. and every other kind of A.D.D., too, most likely.

that must be why she is in much better shape than i!? plus a lot of other reasons.
had to borrow her flip flops because i forgot mine at the hotel.

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i really do have to start going to the gym. i just have to make it be a part of my day. none of this “i’ll do it tomorrow” b.s. because tomorrow never comes. or it does come, but i do not go.

no excuses! it’s prescribed. must fit it in! mandatory. required. and i must begin to show some restraint and responsibility when it comes to what i eat. don’t indulge the bulge.

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ready for round three?

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okay, so here is winner numero dos.
it’s a pink gingham ann taylor LOFT. seems brand new.
sweeeeet!
it’s quite dignified
nicely tailored. i like where the waist sits.

score!

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i feel both ladylike and comfortable. perfect for a picnic.

right?
i made homemade chicken soup just now. it’s on the stove.

so domestic of me, right?

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this is the best one. don’t you think it would be perfs for SF/Haight Street? yes, yes it would. very pucci. unfortch it was made in china, but at least i bought it second-hand.

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i hope you like it. i do.

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computers are endlessly annoying.

yeah, so i hope you enjoyed this installment of the never-ending saga of carrie-trying-on-dresses.
(to be cont’d)
(at a later date… out of photos for now)

close your eyes and relax


i want to talk about something other than what’s in the pictures.
i just washed my hair and i don’t know where my good hairbrush is, the one that is good when my hair is wet. this happens all the time. i never know where anything is.


i just took a shower and i want to blowdry my hair because i never do and it would hopefully look prettier if i put some effort into it. but my back hurts and i don’t want to get dressed or stand up.
but i have to.
the easiest thing to do would be to put on my green summer dress.

but that is not what i did.


so, think what you want, but this is me, now.
old, deformed.
it’s true and it’s how i feel, so this is my blog and i can say so if i want. this is also why i am going to the gym. i am being brave and courageous.

i weigh 150 lbs right now.
my back kills me and my core needs major work.
i need a lot of cardio and i need lots of muscle tone to help support my skeleton, crippled as it may be.


anyway, i am very glad i joined the gym and it is going to change my life for the better. i already did an aerobics class called R.I.P.P.E.D. it was HA-larious.

i am so out of shape and uncoordinated. not a negative statement, simply truth.


plus i am a hermit so it is a big deal for me to go out and mingle with the commoners. so to speak. just kidding. you know what i mean.


lots of things to do at the gym and people to see/watch.

yesterday i tried every single machine i was interested in because the place was basically dead, so i didn’t feel very awkward.
there are all kinds of people there, not just hotties with bodies.


it looks like i have a huge gut here. and i do.
but, it is very nice to use this ab machine thing.
it is much easier on the back than floor situps.


not the best picture, but i am more like doing the best i can to try and document this new experience in my life and it is awkward and weird but whatever.

i’m out of practice.

i guess that’s all the pictures i have to torture your eyes with for now!!!