this pizza didn’t do ‘it’ for me.
not enough pepperoni. (there was none, it was half veg half hawaiian)
and usually i like canadian bacon and pineapple but this one was just so-so. and this was from what i thought was my favorite pizza place, round table.
i’m beginning to question everything.
each person sees things through a different lens.
do some people seem like they are trying to ‘put on airs’?
trying to heavily influence your perception of them?
manipulate your perception of them.
well, that’s human. isn’t it?
i can’t imagine what it would be like to be ‘famous’ or even on any higher/more advanced social level than what i am currently managing (which is scant, let me tell you)
i feel overwhelmed just by a few interactions in a day, sometimes. the more human interaction i have the more i need to recuperate and get away from it all.
so, i try to seek a minimal amount. reminds me of when i was in high school, i would spend most of my lunches in the library, reading. i enjoyed the solitude, but still the ability to spy on people. i would go outside and do a little interacting, a walkthrough of the quad, maybe. same thing now, at my work. i might see who’s in the breakroom but usually (and the more populated i find it), i sneak off to a room where i can hide and not have to hear people talking or listen to the t.v.
cut to the chase, so to speak. sort of…
i don’t want to interact with the ‘social’ you.
i’m not saying there is no value in ‘social’ behavior/personas per se. a lot of very successful and happy people are very sociable. and i don’t consider myself to be a great success, other than just as a survivor, sort of. i am just saying i don’t know how people do it!
i guess my general outlook is, hey, we are all in this together and none of us really knows what’s really going on, ultimately… none of us really knows why we are all here or how we got here or what we are doing, so “hi, what’s up”
and i am not 100% sure what i want or what i am doing! how can i be when there are so many factors operating in the universe? how can i influence them all? do i have that power? how much power do we have? is it as much as we think we have?
cuz i am a huge rebel, like that.
that is all.
this was like a moment of heaven that started my day out.
then i went to work and had a massage, that was actually very emotional because my back holds so much pain and tension.
a ten minute introductory massage, more like massage foreplay because now i want a two hour massage! every day!
that is what i should ask for for my birthday from my mom. again. she got me one a while back, it may have been last year. boy time really is going faster. you know it.