night

once again, i have no blogging time today. it makes me sad.
but, such is life.
i’m exhausted.
can’t keep my eyes open.

under what sky

only three more days of work until i have two days off
i don’t know why i care
what difference does it make?
either way, i am alive doing things.
work is interesting. yesterday was quite intense.
in my little mind, anyway.
these are pics i took with my phone yesterday… there are more but not time.

abundance

ok so this one is called the Johnny Cash sandwich. sliced sourdough.
very tasty. that was my lunch yesterday.

i went to the Folsom Market Street Fair yesterday after eating half my sandwich. uh-oh. tons of stuff to taste. fun! those cheeses were delish. nice neckerchief.

omg their krauts were amazing. i thought my photo would help me remember the name. i don’t. but they will be in our store’s pickle bar and believe you me, i will be buying their stuff. the curry one and the dill one? so good. i love me some kraut.

he was just setting up. i wasn’t able to stay to hear his performance.

BEEKEEPING IS FUN!

these things are incredible. raw macaroons. so yum!! made with cold-pressed extra virgin coconut oil so they actually BURN fat!

they took a break right before i was trying to take a photo of them carving it.

the cracker has Ancho Chili jelly with cream cheese. mmmmmm.
and the cup is an apple pie.

jujubees. they taste like a really dry apple that also tastes like a pear.

i made a really cool video of myself in the photo booth. you can watch it here.
i’m such a dork. seriously. it’s embarrassing.

work has been interesting lately.
so has my life.

my horrorscopes have been so great lately, too.

today:

“You feel increasing pressure to make a decision, and romance or finances are feeling the intensity of this focus. What to do! Follow your instincts on this one, not what appears on the surface as you know the true path. Fear of the unknown is no excuse to ignore the inevitable. Loss only opens brand new doors.”

so apt. every day, too.

pretender

do some people seem more ‘real’ to you than others?
what does that mean?
isn’t everyone real?

maybe people seem more real to me when they have the same type of demeanor as i have? or the same type of general ‘goal’ in life. ‘role’ in life?

each person sees things through a different lens.
do some people seem like they are trying to ‘put on airs’?
trying to heavily influence your perception of them?
manipulate your perception of them.
well, that’s human. isn’t it?

i can’t imagine what it would be like to be ‘famous’ or even on any higher/more advanced social level than what i am currently managing (which is scant, let me tell you)
i feel overwhelmed just by a few interactions in a day, sometimes. the more human interaction i have the more i need to recuperate and get away from it all.

so, i try to seek a minimal amount. reminds me of when i was in high school, i would spend most of my lunches in the library, reading. i enjoyed the solitude, but still the ability to spy on people. i would go outside and do a little interacting, a walkthrough of the quad, maybe. same thing now, at my work. i might see who’s in the breakroom but usually (and the more populated i find it), i sneak off to a room where i can hide and not have to hear people talking or listen to the t.v.

at the same time, i do want to talk to people, but i want to have a certain type of interaction. we all have an agenda. i want to talk to the ‘real you’ not your persona, really. if you understand.

cut to the chase, so to speak. sort of…
i don’t want to interact with the ‘social’ you.

i’m not saying there is no value in ‘social’ behavior/personas per se. a lot of very successful and happy people are very sociable. and i don’t consider myself to be a great success, other than just as a survivor, sort of. i am just saying i don’t know how people do it!

but some people are very energetic or charismatic or sociable or ambitious…. etc.

i guess my general outlook is, hey, we are all in this together and none of us really knows what’s really going on, ultimately… none of us really knows why we are all here or how we got here or what we are doing, so “hi, what’s up”

come on, admit it: human life is weird.

and i am not 100% sure what i want or what i am doing! how can i be when there are so many factors operating in the universe? how can i influence them all? do i have that power? how much power do we have? is it as much as we think we have?

i guess i just don’t want it to be a competition. i don’t want to compete with other people. i don’t like power plays. i think i’ve rambled enough on this subject.

by trade

i have a mole under my eye and on my chin.
i’m a mutant.

don’t look at me.

i don’t think that’s a bruise on my leg. i think it’s the spot on my camera.

you can see it here, too.

i am hideous.

i deleted some pics today on accident.

days off are good

i treasure time off.
only time i can get anything done.
time to breathe.
(that skirt’s too big. i gave it away, today)

cool stuff.
that was back in virginia city.
old pix.

haha.
i made these with stickers from those blank dolls we got a couple of months ago.

tried to get a little sun on my legs today, in between doing laundry.

just chillaxin’

nice way to spend the day.

there’s a lovely moon tonight.

head on

vintage liz claiborne shades i got for a buck.

i walked downtown today to see a movie. stopped and picked up a pair of sunglasses at the thrift store for a buck. vintage liz claiborn. not bad.
they slide down my nose, though. but whatever, right?

so i wanted to see quite a few different movies… but i settled on Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. before i made my choice, i read some reviews on rotten tomatoes and it mentioned that if you’re pretty much outside of the late-teens to early twenties, you might not ‘get’ ‘it’.
and, in fact, two couples did leave during the middle of the movie. it was really fun, though, and i loved it. probably since, in the past, i’ve enjoyed watching people play video games. like, from high school on through to late twenties, my boyfriends and then my son and my brother all played video games obsessively and some times, in order to hang around them, there was little other choice but to watch and participate in that way. so, i understand the ‘language’ and yes, i cried at the end of the movie because it is a romantic comedy and when i was walking out of the theater at the end, i missed the movie. i missed being in it.

michael cera is unusual. an unlikely sort of ‘lead’ right? but good. fascinating somehow. and i liked kieran culkin? the movie is worth watching and has been somewhat compared with Napoleon Dynamite… in the ‘cult classic’ genre. ish.

oh yeah, and i REALLY wanted popcorn but it is just so outlandishly expensive and i just can’t afford it this week. sadface.

just to occupy one minute of your day

today was definitely good and is definitely good.
thank you.

today, i was watching a bunch of preschoolers use a slide.
there were certain children who would politely and submissively allow the more assertive children (more self-centered, who?)
to CUT in FRONT of them REPeatEDLy!
well, yes, i started to intervene.
certain kids just seem to be totally unaware of anyone else.
they know their goal and it’s like, “hey, will you let me cut in front of you for like ten turns before you even get one?”
and some kids are either unaware of it or just don’t know how to handle it.
my daughter was one of the timid ones. polite?
she seemed to start feeling uncomfortable when i tried to provide some sort of guidance to the children in this situation.
you know, it is not okay to just not go to the end of the line and wait your turn. in society, this is not okay. and what is preschool for if not to properly socialize, as best we are able, our children?

soapbox again, sorry.

i’m a little tiny bit frustrated because i bought a pair of faux chucks for ten bucks and they are two sizes too big. i should have comprehended that i was buying them from the men’s section, but against my better judgment, i got the clown shoes. (no, i did not try them on.) so, i will try to persuade joe to wear them, (if they’ll fit him) or i will try to exchange them, which is just a pain in the derriere if anything ever was. (okay, not that huge of a deal but )

fresh homemade play-doh. salty. the kids were licking their hands. yes, very hygienic. but they make new dough every two days.

the kids literally throw it all over the entire universe.

i was the only person impressed by my octopus drawring.
(uh-oh, only seven legs?! well, no wonder!)

okay children, daddy went to outer space to fetch us dinner so you all need to just behave properly until his return.

little fake peepl
how important is your self image?

i am completely smitten with this owl puppet.
it and i are to be married, december 2012.

to certain poor shepherds

new scarf.
trying to be pretty.
shouldn’t ‘try’ right?

my handsome son

how now?

oh man i think i’d love another day off.
and then another one after that.
and one more.

i wonder if this product’s claims are approved by the FDA?

i need a motivational speaker to follow me around all day long!