decipher the signs

this chair was all wet and made it look like i peed my pants.

this illustrates my failure as a person on a few levels.
epic.
i look like i peed my pants but i just sat in a wet chair.
my pants are way too big and they are stupid mom jeans from old navy.
i suck at finding pants which fit me properly.
btw, i rarely smoke and i generally hate smoking, but i had a bad day yesterday and it seemed like the thing to do at the moment. i only had one cig.

‘nothin’s true when nothin’s right/
so let me be alone tonight….
i’d be the last to hope you’d understand/
are you strong enough?
to be my man…

does she say ‘hope you’d'? or ‘help you’?
i don’t feel like googling it.

soon i will be teaching a course called Awkward Poses: 101.

feeling reflective.

this is jason’s gnome who hides in the bushes.
haha
that sounds creepy.

did i tell you i have poison oak?
yep/
mostly on my inner left arm. a little on the back of my right hand.

that’s the reward for geocaching but never finding anything!
from now on if anyone asks me what i am doing i’ll say, “i’m geocaching”
lol

there were some buddhas who were hedonists.
it happened.
there are different buddhas.
we are all buddha, in fact. supposedly. well, potentially.

these signs are from burningman. burning man. oh oh ohhhh.

i think my ancestry comes from the arctic tundra.

my grandson is six months old! my son is 18!
these pants make me look like a grandma.
and i am one.
i guess if the pants fit.
but they don’t, actually.
my britches are too big for me.

okay now i have pictures to upload off MY camera from last night.
i am making brownies.

my phone horoscope nails it again

“You need to draw back slightly from too much work and ambition and consider your feelings more. You cannot allow your head to over-rule everything. All you really want is to tuck yourself out of sight in familiar surroundings and be indulged. Even your own company will not be a hardship for a short time. Even though your busy schedule will not allow you to play truant for long, you must take a break along the way otherwise you’ll get overstretched.”

that was yesterday’s. this weekend of mine, none of my plans have worked out. grrrr. both days, setbacks and things like that have totally messed up my plans. this seems to happen any time i make plans which is why i hate planning things. and i’ve had to just surrender to it and go with it. what else can ya do?

not to worry

my snakeskin leggings, finally.
so, while in the california bay area i noticed that most young chicks are wearing leggings as pants and then either uggs or some other knee high boot.
it gets annoying when every single chick has the same style, doesn’t it? and it kind of seems like it goes against the spirit of san francisco/berkeley that every chick is basically wearing a uniform. well, i might be slightly exaggerating. but still. what is this, robin hood chicks in tights?

christopher walken

we stayed in the Flower Child room in the Red Victorian. that was really neato.

like i really have time to be blogging right now.
well. you know, priorities.

i have so many photos! it’s like 5 posts-worth.

omg, last night we watched Paranormal Activity 3. TO ME that one was the scariest one. I tried to verbally analyze why it scared me so much when really not much happens. there are many interesting elements used to create that feeling of paranoia, i’d say. i think i should write a paper on it.

well, too bad, i have to get all my stuff together and go to work. i wish i could just only do whatever i feel like doing ever at any point in time but then have no specific, real consequences.

under what sky

only three more days of work until i have two days off
i don’t know why i care
what difference does it make?
either way, i am alive doing things.
work is interesting. yesterday was quite intense.
in my little mind, anyway.
these are pics i took with my phone yesterday… there are more but not time.

abundance

ok so this one is called the Johnny Cash sandwich. sliced sourdough.
very tasty. that was my lunch yesterday.

i went to the Folsom Market Street Fair yesterday after eating half my sandwich. uh-oh. tons of stuff to taste. fun! those cheeses were delish. nice neckerchief.

omg their krauts were amazing. i thought my photo would help me remember the name. i don’t. but they will be in our store’s pickle bar and believe you me, i will be buying their stuff. the curry one and the dill one? so good. i love me some kraut.

he was just setting up. i wasn’t able to stay to hear his performance.

BEEKEEPING IS FUN!

these things are incredible. raw macaroons. so yum!! made with cold-pressed extra virgin coconut oil so they actually BURN fat!

they took a break right before i was trying to take a photo of them carving it.

the cracker has Ancho Chili jelly with cream cheese. mmmmmm.
and the cup is an apple pie.

jujubees. they taste like a really dry apple that also tastes like a pear.

i made a really cool video of myself in the photo booth. you can watch it here.
i’m such a dork. seriously. it’s embarrassing.

work has been interesting lately.
so has my life.

my horrorscopes have been so great lately, too.

today:

“You feel increasing pressure to make a decision, and romance or finances are feeling the intensity of this focus. What to do! Follow your instincts on this one, not what appears on the surface as you know the true path. Fear of the unknown is no excuse to ignore the inevitable. Loss only opens brand new doors.”

so apt. every day, too.

sneak peek

very first photo of my new room.
yes, i am renting a room in a home for the same price as my old apartment in reno. i’m moving up in the world, trust me… but for now, this is my situation. and yes, i will be getting a real bed… i’m not a crack head! lol

ok. so back to work today. work work work work. i’ll let you know how it goes.

the flip side

i am transferring to a new store in two weeks.
moving.
yay, me!

i ripped this out of a magazine because he is my boyfriend and i wanted to carry his picture with me so i could drool over it. haha. but then it started getting folded up and creased so i decided to leave it here for someone else to enjoy! ha.

had two of these yesterday and they were so delicious but i ended up having a headache for the rest of the day! sucks. i even took a nap and drank water and emergen-C and took an advil. still with the headache.

this evening may be preliminary pumpkin carving will begin. by that, i mean it is way too early to carve pumpkins but so what!

today SHOULD be a good day. the first day of the rest of my life. AND i am not CLOSING, which is always good.

pretender

do some people seem more ‘real’ to you than others?
what does that mean?
isn’t everyone real?

maybe people seem more real to me when they have the same type of demeanor as i have? or the same type of general ‘goal’ in life. ‘role’ in life?

each person sees things through a different lens.
do some people seem like they are trying to ‘put on airs’?
trying to heavily influence your perception of them?
manipulate your perception of them.
well, that’s human. isn’t it?

i can’t imagine what it would be like to be ‘famous’ or even on any higher/more advanced social level than what i am currently managing (which is scant, let me tell you)
i feel overwhelmed just by a few interactions in a day, sometimes. the more human interaction i have the more i need to recuperate and get away from it all.

so, i try to seek a minimal amount. reminds me of when i was in high school, i would spend most of my lunches in the library, reading. i enjoyed the solitude, but still the ability to spy on people. i would go outside and do a little interacting, a walkthrough of the quad, maybe. same thing now, at my work. i might see who’s in the breakroom but usually (and the more populated i find it), i sneak off to a room where i can hide and not have to hear people talking or listen to the t.v.

at the same time, i do want to talk to people, but i want to have a certain type of interaction. we all have an agenda. i want to talk to the ‘real you’ not your persona, really. if you understand.

cut to the chase, so to speak. sort of…
i don’t want to interact with the ‘social’ you.

i’m not saying there is no value in ‘social’ behavior/personas per se. a lot of very successful and happy people are very sociable. and i don’t consider myself to be a great success, other than just as a survivor, sort of. i am just saying i don’t know how people do it!

but some people are very energetic or charismatic or sociable or ambitious…. etc.

i guess my general outlook is, hey, we are all in this together and none of us really knows what’s really going on, ultimately… none of us really knows why we are all here or how we got here or what we are doing, so “hi, what’s up”

come on, admit it: human life is weird.

and i am not 100% sure what i want or what i am doing! how can i be when there are so many factors operating in the universe? how can i influence them all? do i have that power? how much power do we have? is it as much as we think we have?

i guess i just don’t want it to be a competition. i don’t want to compete with other people. i don’t like power plays. i think i’ve rambled enough on this subject.

hakuna matata

a burner r.v. with tree nymphs painted on the side. well one is apparently male and is bowing to the female tree.

watching one of the more recent episodes of 2 1/2 men and charlie sheen does not look good. way too skinny. crazy looking.

i just did a french green clay mask on my face and now my face is all flushed. that is normal and will subside. except my face is usually kind of flushed. i think i have rosacea. which this clay is supposed to help with.

family guy makes me L.O.L.

today was the ‘exodus’ from burning man.
the burners are nowhere near as bad as people try to make them out to be.

keep the thermostat under 70

so if things go the way i’m trying for, i’ll be moving in early November.

time to start getting things in order.
throw things away, give them away, donate, pare down. clean. start looking for a place to live in the new town.

hopefully everything will just come together magically and perfectly as it always does, right?