close your eyes and relax

i want to talk about something other than what’s in the pictures.
i just washed my hair and i don’t know where my good hairbrush is, the one that is good when my hair is wet. this happens all the time. i never know where anything is.

i just took a shower and i want to blowdry my hair because i never do and it would hopefully look prettier if i put some effort into it. but my back hurts and i don’t want to get dressed or stand up.
but i have to.
the easiest thing to do would be to put on my green summer dress.

but that is not what i did.

so, think what you want, but this is me, now.
old, deformed.
it’s true and it’s how i feel, so this is my blog and i can say so if i want. this is also why i am going to the gym. i am being brave and courageous.

i weigh 150 lbs right now.
my back kills me and my core needs major work.
i need a lot of cardio and i need lots of muscle tone to help support my skeleton, crippled as it may be.

anyway, i am very glad i joined the gym and it is going to change my life for the better. i already did an aerobics class called R.I.P.P.E.D. it was HA-larious.

i am so out of shape and uncoordinated. not a negative statement, simply truth.

plus i am a hermit so it is a big deal for me to go out and mingle with the commoners. so to speak. just kidding. you know what i mean.

lots of things to do at the gym and people to see/watch.

yesterday i tried every single machine i was interested in because the place was basically dead, so i didn’t feel very awkward.
there are all kinds of people there, not just hotties with bodies.

it looks like i have a huge gut here. and i do.
but, it is very nice to use this ab machine thing.
it is much easier on the back than floor situps.

not the best picture, but i am more like doing the best i can to try and document this new experience in my life and it is awkward and weird but whatever.

i’m out of practice.

i guess that’s all the pictures i have to torture your eyes with for now!!!

c u soon

these were a size too big. :-( sadface.

so far all i’ve eaten today are an avocado, seven strawberries and the juice of 9 carrots.

i just spent 45 minutes on the phone with an insurance company.

the guy i’ve been seeing (boyfriend?) is in the hospital today from having a possible panic attack. i don’t know, they are running tests.

but i did spend the morning cleaning my room and unpacking things mostly just out of nervous energy. i guess that’s nice.

i’m really hungry. i’m trying to make ‘healthier choices’ and sometimes that makes me feel really disoriented.

it’s been super windy outside lately. i really don’t feel like riding my bike anywhere but it looks like i’ll have to, now.

it’s less than two miles round trip but i really don’t want to. but i am going to. so bye.

a yabba dabba doo time

sitting here watching my friend work on his deck.
after these photos, decided to put make-up on.

oliver, i think. he looks very similar to his brother.

so serious and glum.
i know. always have been, really.

they are extremely similar in appearance. i’ll show you in a minute.

another un-sexy outfit.
i must do it on purpose, huh?

those weren’t my shoes.

here are my shoes.

so industrial, no?

my friend is an architect, you see. he built everything you are seeing in these photos. and this is just the garage.

by the way, Home Alone 2 is pretty much the worst movie of all time.

why do we do this?
come on, you know tons of people do it!
not just females, either.

i’m talking about taking repeated photos of oneself in the same general position, etc…

it’s a way to see what you look like. i’ve mentioned this before. my fingers are so cold right now that i don’t feel like typing. but maybe typing will help get the circulation going in my hands.

aw. she’s so cute. even cuter with my decorations added.

lovely. oh, do you remember My Melody?
i used to like her the best when i was a kid, i think.

veal piccata. was yummmmmmy

very cool architectural feature of my friend’s work is all the ‘unfinished’ ‘exposed’ sort of inside out stuff going on.

a lovely late lunch/appetizer.

the principal architect designed and built this structure.

intense and serious.

their words are crystal clear

they’ll kick you and they’ll beat you and they’ll tell you it’s fair!
so beat it!
but you wanna be bad!

JUST BEAT IT!
BEAT IT!
no one wants to be defeated!

wish me luck

i have two more days off and there’s been a change of plans.
the thing i took the days off for is not going to happen.
so then i was bored and thought of something else to do.
i am going on a soul-searching road trip today.
i know my destination and i intend to return tomorrow.

it’s kind of a leap of faith.
i feel like i’ve been taking a lot of those lately.
putting it out there.
going for something even if i feel a little trepidation.
you only live once

instead of sitting around stewing over everything,
i made a move.
set it in motion.
now, i just gotta follow through.

so i’m gonna make the best out of it.
enjoy myself
and we’ll see how it goes.

my bangs are getting to the perfect length

my braid and bangs were perfection yesterday!

i didn’t really capture it photographically. i suck.

holy cannoli?

i didn’t actually even taste these.

i just take pics of desserts and thereby vicariously experience them in a different way which doesn’t turn me into a fat cow.

i ate this instead.

but later i ate a bunch of mac n cheese.
bad bad girl.

people say i’m the life of the party

so, i’ve really been making an effort to eat better.
i don’t eat chicken anymore, or beef. haven’t for at least a month, but probably more. i haven’t been eating cheese very often, but still will if it is offered, on occasion. sometimes, with food, i take what is offered.

i drink miso soup every morning (almost) and have started adding some green powder to it. then take probiotics and many many supplements.

i take (with some variance):

Daily Bitters (also known as Sweetish Bitters, sometimes Swedish Bitters)

Less-Stress Weight Control it’s B vitamins, Green Tea extract, Magnolia extract and Black Pepper.

CLA (Conjugated Lineoleic Acid) shown to help burn fat while retaining muscle

Green & White Tea Force increases thermogenesis and fat metabolism (this is a recent addition)

Maca Root hormone balance, energy, stamina, mental alertness

Selenium (for some reason, started taking this recently. not sure i need it)

i drink organic green tea sweetened with local honey now en lieu of coffee. very occasionally i have a coffee with half and half and raw sugar. not every day by any means.

hey, i think the spots aren’t on my camera lens anymore!

also, i have been drinking coconut water as my go-to drink during the day.

D3 2000 IU in a chewable tablet which tastes like Cocoa Puffs.

BioSil Advanced Collagen Generator (5mg Silicon and 100mg Choline)

as soon as i’m done with that bottle, i’m starting on HydraPlenish which is Hyaluronic Acid plus MSM. It has collagen. it’s called an internal moisturizer. for Hair, Nails, Skin and Joints.

I take digestive enzymes with meals (am working on really integrating this into my habitual repertoire.)

was planning on making kebabs and grilling out, but it didn’t pan out. or should i say, it did. jk

okay, so… on with the list of supplements.

Resveratrol

gaia Mental Alertness it has eleuthero, ginkgo, gotu kola, fo-ti, vinpocetine and more

Milk Thistle

Food Based Multi

Cod Liver Oil

Vitex Fruit

Estrobalance (it has DIM)

i was trying to incorporate lecithin granules mixed with flax oil but haven’t been very successful in keeping up on that one.

i’ve been thinking about starting up an exercise regimen and the most realistic thing i can come up with is to go for a short run first thing in the morning when i wake up.

the apprentice has a really interesting mix of folks on that show this season. just saw gary busey on a morning news show. he’s interesting.

mercury cougar.
i need this car.
it’s only $1800.

this was when the spot was still on my lens. i really think it’s gone now, though. maybe it was some dust that got shaken out.

that’s me.

sorry, kinda hideous.

this picture is messed up because the camera spot falls right under my lower lip making it look like there’s dirt on my face or i have a soul patch.

i would post better photos of myself, but there aren’t any. ;-P

so, i sorta forgot to finish up my vitamin list here.

that’s kind of how it is with taking my vitamins.
there are so many, it’s hard to keep my focus and sometimes i get kind of bored of swallowing them all and trail off, distracted by something else. but i have them all arranged in an order and it’s very ritualistic, taking them all.

so what else?

dmg

eleuthero

holy basil

coconut oil

that’s a helluva lotta pill poppin

we can only hope

the cutest thing about this vest is the buttons.

i thought these pants fit me well and were very flattering and made me feel skinny. i come home and take these photos and i’m not happy! they are all droopy and saggy! i did wear a belt with them at work, but they totally fit me when i tried them on. it is so hard to buy pants that fit. i tried on like twenty pairs of pants. the ones i thought were too small are probably the ones that fit me. but you never can tell. you really can’t. in these photos, these pants make me look anything but skinny! i do think i have lost some fat, though. i bet if i keep on eating tons of vegetables and very little animal product i will have lost almost all of the abdominal fat within the next two weeks.

oddfellows local 151 behind the firehouse

it is actually a lot of work and time-consuming to eat a plant-based diet.
i mean the actual physical act of the eating. also all of the preparation leading up to the eating. but to literally chew and swallow this whole salad takes pretty much thirty minutes.

this dress ruined my life today.
i got a lot of compliments on my outfit at work yesterday, but i had my teal velvet hat on and braids.
the dress was climbing up my legs because of the friction my patterned tights was creating.
i weighed myself today. 151 lbs. i have no problem admitting that. actually i am glad it’s not more. i could stand to ‘lose ten pounds’ but actually that’s not the right way to talk about it.
basically, i need to continue to be more attentive to my dietary choices and incorporate as much physical activity as i can.
i hope.
mostly the plant-based thing, tho. avoid animal products as a rule.

tired of titles

i “won” a “free 30-day membership” at a gym here in town.
sure! people are telling me that everyone who enters ‘wins’, tho, so it could just be some sort of ploy. we’ll see. maybe i will go pick up the pass tomorrow before work.

after one week in my new job, my quads are killing me! we have to do a lot of repetetive squatting while stocking and facing shelves. ouchie! but it’s a good ouch.

this is a solitaire game you play in your hands (not on a table).
in high school, i used to play it while i was walking to and from school (because i found walking horribly boring. i am too impatient to walk and would sometimes just run because walking is too slow! sometimes i still do that…)

been trying to eat more veggies.

lentils, broccoli, carrots, onions, garlic, brown basmati, cabbage… started it off with just a little bit of pancetta for some flavor…. doesn’t really look all that appetizing… supposed to be healthy! well, it is healthy, i know that. of course, then there are the bad days when i eat pizza at every meal. ouch!

i’ll be working all closing shifts this coming week. not something i am used to, but really i can’t complain. my job ROCKS!