twinkle, twinkle little bat

treacle! treacle makes me happy.

on npr the other day they were talking about the controversy over some sort of vegemite shortage in new zealand! the horror! actually i think it was marmite. apparently they are IN NO WAY SIMILAR and it is offensive to even suggest such a thing.

we had pasties for lunch. miner food. they were filling and adequate but nothing to write home about, so to speak.

a lint brush and gravy mix from IKEA.
sweeet

my expression reminds me of kurt cobain. haha

here i am demonstrating how one might use the lint roller while also holding a packet of gravy mix. and standing on a rock wall. haha.
lame.

i know! my nails are atrocious! i am appalled.

look what my laptop did the other day! pretty neat.
i was scared for a second that it would never be normal again.

chevy’s. more later i have to go

monday is my friday

more of me on the bike
i was trying to copy a pose i saw on a magazine cover.
that’s all i have to say right now.
i mean, i could say other things
like
i am trying to learn how to stand up for myself.
i am not going to let people get away with treating me in a disrespectful manner. or lie to me about what is disrespectful. i know. and no, i’m not talking about you. unless i know you irl.

lunch today! WINGS! the garlic parmesan were my favorite.

i did not like the sweet ones. asian?

i am supposed to go spend the night at my friend Gisela’s house tonight and we are supposed to go to San Francisco tomorrow.
i hope it all works out. i never trust in plans.

my phone takes SOOOOOOoooOoooooo long to send picture messages. i don’t understand it.

it’s totally ridiculous.

i am in a hurry! i have things to do, here!

seriously it takes like twenty minutes to send one photo and if someone texts me in the middle of the sending of the picture message, it takes like forty minutes
my phone gets confused easily.

today was the craziest day ever at work.
i promised myself to remain calm and positive because that is what santa would want.

abundance

ok so this one is called the Johnny Cash sandwich. sliced sourdough.
very tasty. that was my lunch yesterday.

i went to the Folsom Market Street Fair yesterday after eating half my sandwich. uh-oh. tons of stuff to taste. fun! those cheeses were delish. nice neckerchief.

omg their krauts were amazing. i thought my photo would help me remember the name. i don’t. but they will be in our store’s pickle bar and believe you me, i will be buying their stuff. the curry one and the dill one? so good. i love me some kraut.

he was just setting up. i wasn’t able to stay to hear his performance.

BEEKEEPING IS FUN!

these things are incredible. raw macaroons. so yum!! made with cold-pressed extra virgin coconut oil so they actually BURN fat!

they took a break right before i was trying to take a photo of them carving it.

the cracker has Ancho Chili jelly with cream cheese. mmmmmm.
and the cup is an apple pie.

jujubees. they taste like a really dry apple that also tastes like a pear.

i made a really cool video of myself in the photo booth. you can watch it here.
i’m such a dork. seriously. it’s embarrassing.

work has been interesting lately.
so has my life.

my horrorscopes have been so great lately, too.

today:

“You feel increasing pressure to make a decision, and romance or finances are feeling the intensity of this focus. What to do! Follow your instincts on this one, not what appears on the surface as you know the true path. Fear of the unknown is no excuse to ignore the inevitable. Loss only opens brand new doors.”

so apt. every day, too.

pretender

do some people seem more ‘real’ to you than others?
what does that mean?
isn’t everyone real?

maybe people seem more real to me when they have the same type of demeanor as i have? or the same type of general ‘goal’ in life. ‘role’ in life?

each person sees things through a different lens.
do some people seem like they are trying to ‘put on airs’?
trying to heavily influence your perception of them?
manipulate your perception of them.
well, that’s human. isn’t it?

i can’t imagine what it would be like to be ‘famous’ or even on any higher/more advanced social level than what i am currently managing (which is scant, let me tell you)
i feel overwhelmed just by a few interactions in a day, sometimes. the more human interaction i have the more i need to recuperate and get away from it all.

so, i try to seek a minimal amount. reminds me of when i was in high school, i would spend most of my lunches in the library, reading. i enjoyed the solitude, but still the ability to spy on people. i would go outside and do a little interacting, a walkthrough of the quad, maybe. same thing now, at my work. i might see who’s in the breakroom but usually (and the more populated i find it), i sneak off to a room where i can hide and not have to hear people talking or listen to the t.v.

at the same time, i do want to talk to people, but i want to have a certain type of interaction. we all have an agenda. i want to talk to the ‘real you’ not your persona, really. if you understand.

cut to the chase, so to speak. sort of…
i don’t want to interact with the ‘social’ you.

i’m not saying there is no value in ‘social’ behavior/personas per se. a lot of very successful and happy people are very sociable. and i don’t consider myself to be a great success, other than just as a survivor, sort of. i am just saying i don’t know how people do it!

but some people are very energetic or charismatic or sociable or ambitious…. etc.

i guess my general outlook is, hey, we are all in this together and none of us really knows what’s really going on, ultimately… none of us really knows why we are all here or how we got here or what we are doing, so “hi, what’s up”

come on, admit it: human life is weird.

and i am not 100% sure what i want or what i am doing! how can i be when there are so many factors operating in the universe? how can i influence them all? do i have that power? how much power do we have? is it as much as we think we have?

i guess i just don’t want it to be a competition. i don’t want to compete with other people. i don’t like power plays. i think i’ve rambled enough on this subject.

tie dye tuesday, it is~!

i think this shoe looks like a baseball now that i colored the seam red with a sharpie. i didn’t do the other shoe. but i want a bunch of multi-colored sharpies so i can color my shoes all different colors man. tie dye keds!

watching two episodes in a row of the show Hell’s Kitchen, with Gordon Ramsey/Ramsay? i like it because i work in that field. helps me understand things a little bit better.

my job can be challenging, but it’s in a good way, methinks.

i

what’s the name of his other leg?

mi mum sent me this clippy.
i can’t figure out how to use it really.
i think i will put my hair in a bun and use it to decorate my head
at work tomorrow.

i’ve meant to post this photo several times before, but i’m pretty sure i haven’t yet, until now….

horror of horrors!

just do your best, darling.

(have i posted this picture, already? i don’t feel like checking back. oh well, nobody reads my blog, anyway.)
i’ve never taken ambien. scares me. no plans to do so in the future, thanks. i don’t trust Dow Chemical Company.

and what is adderall?

i am not sure about all these drugs.

i’ve never done them.
but tomorrow might be a good day to go see a matinee of alice in wonderland in 3D.

since i got my new stupid cricket phone…
most of the phone calls and text messages i get are in spanish and directed toward some woman named Blanca.

darling, you are a fabulous, wonderful individual, sweetie.
never settle.

me gustan todas

there’s the soup. i put basmati rice in there because i like it that way.

just washed joe’s jeep and vacuumed it out because i have my driver test tomorrow. i’ll just be glad to get that over with. i know how to drive, but it just makes you nervous to be tested. the first time i had to take a driver test, i Failed and the lady who tested me told my mom afterward that she’d been frightened for her life. soRRY! i thought she had overreacted at the time, but who knows? haHA oh well.
have i already said ‘oh well’ 8,000 times?

very eeyore sometimes. gloom and doom, i know.
now i should do something with the dishes.
resistance.
i’ll boil water. i like that technique.

i also resisted having to go clean up the jeep, but it was actually a positive experience when i did it.

today was a lazy day, grey, for soupmaking.

have you ever known people who treat their kids like they had kids specifically so they would have someone to do the dishes and other menial household chores? also, i would rather do someone else’s dishes than my own sometimes.

but now

i am sad that i lost my zune.
i am forever losing things. sometimes that’s how it is.

the other day, i lost my bike lock.
didn’t see how it could have fallen off my bike without my noticing.
but it did, because i rode by the spot where i thought i’d dropped the thing and there it was, by a fire hydrant, in the snow. yay!

and now i have a t.v. and internet and a new phone and no money also the new camera. but i have shelter and all the food i need until payday.
survivable certainly. i’ve been making a certain amount of progress in my affairs. that is on what i must focus.