today was insanity!
and i am starting on my morning shift this week so i’ll have to be waking up crazy crazy early.
if i look like i’ve been crying in that picture, it’s cuz i was crying right before that. i spent the first fifteen minutes or so of my lunch crying. just lots of stress. seriously. all sorts of emotions and anxieties flying around. it’ll all settle down in a bit. the worst part is over.
this is in the break room at work.
the new department is a success!
i’m glad.
it’s a totally new experience. and i am growing and learning every minute. that’s great.
this is a weird picture.
chunky adam’s peanut butter.
oh no! tomorrow’s the employee art show! yipes. insanity.
i haven’t even communicated with anyone about it. i’ll just take in a few paintings tomorrow and see what happs. they will probably say, “NO, it is TOO late. You did not practice your due diligence.” and i will go to the corner and sulk.
here is the extent of my christmas decorating thus far this year.
just haven’t had the time. not to do things the way i want. maybe saturday? always borrowing time, stealing time, wasting time, wanting time, taking too much time!!! etcetera.
look! i bought vegetables, cut them up and made a soup! excite bike!
also i took pictures of the whole process and the results and every other thing possibly imaginable under the sun.
i saw the Squeeze In that’s in Truckee. you can see why it’s called that. it’s in a very narrow venue? whatever. it’s long and narrow like that there ‘shotgun house’ or whatever you wanna call it.
i love this game.
i love the imagery and the putting things in order.
it’s sort of like an ocd thing.
that’s something i am enjoying about my ‘new’ job.
i get to be totally ocd about arranging items on shelves and everything that involves. also the quick assimilation of a wealth of information and knowledge about so many things! yay! i love learning!
it rewlz. (i love that there are fried eggs in this version)
everything about my christmas shopping and preparation for christmas is essentially a complete failure and disaster so, yeah… there’s that.
i have never loved ‘planning’.
people who enjoy planning things confound me.
watching Marie Antoinette for the second time (really the first, because i didn’t pay attention the first time because i have to watch movies eight hundred times before i can pay attention, especially if it’s a good movie)
this movie is magnifique
heheheheh this picture is hilarious.
the pleasure is all mine. ;-)
what now?
oh, yes… don’t be jealous of my new shoes, cool as they may be, made in italy and all…. they make clicky clack noises when i walk. i do not like noisy shoes or noisy any apparel. i need to be sneaky and stealthy at all times.
i could LIVE off of kalamata olive bread, toasted, with butter. i am not kidding at all.
there are some things about men that i just don’t understand.
now, this is definitely going to involve a lot of generalizations and maybe a little bit of vagueness, because i am talking about some experiences i’ve had which involve men i’ve been intimately involved with. (involve, involve, involve)
i am trying to figure this out. why does a guy make it clear that he wants you, then when he gets you– he pretty much ignores you and eyeballs other ‘hot chicks’, insults you because you don’t look like those hot chicks, but if you try to look ‘hotter’ he insults you for being vain? do you know what i am talking about here? have you experienced this? i am told that i look frumpy, so i try to look hotter and i am now pompous?
how can you win?
in my interactions with the general public, i’ve been called humble. people see me as down-to-earth, real, compassionate, caring.
people tell me i have pretty hair, pretty eyes, a nice smile.
but a man who supposedly wants to be in a relationship with me has nothing to offer but criticisms and insults, which are pretty much the exact opposite of how people view me based on feedback in my actual life which i live on a daily basis. nobody else lives my life, but me. no one else is there with me. it’s just me.
and i have to say, i KNOW that i am not the epitome of HOT. i am just a regular person, pretty much, right? i mean, everyone is unique, has their quirks and whatnot… i don’t think i am SO AMAZING-looking. i know that i’m not usually the woman in the room all the guys want. and that isn’t what i am looking for. but that doesn’t mean i don’t want to feel as attractive as i possibly can when i go out into the world. right? i am not going to give up completely. and i have always been interested in fashion and make-up, even though, honestly, i present myself pretty basically. not a ton of flash, here. not trying to draw attention to myself.
i think that some men just don’t realize what women are going through. what we have to face and deal with. in general, men are considered okay As-Is. sure, they need to take a shower and hopefully wear clean clothes, but that’s pretty much it. and yes, i know, men are judged by other things, like success, prowess. but it sucks to have so much of your self-worth tied up in how sexy you are, how hot you look, how attractive you are and then at the same time be insulted for trying.
sometimes i dream about how amazing it would be to find a boyfriend who thinks i am beautiful all the time, no matter what. loves me so much that it doesn’t matter what i am wearing. and at the same time, isn’t interested in all the other ‘hot chicks’ (i mean, yeah, i know we are all human and look at attractive people) but love is special. it should be. it should mean that someone has captured your heart and you want to love them of your own free will. at some point, companionship and growing intimacy should become more of a priority than playing the field. the rewards of each are different, not saying one is better than the other. but there comes a time in life when you don’t want to be competing anymore, you just want to be loved and love.
this picture is very very much from the past.
took these photos about a year ago.
i did my laundry today.
i guess i’ll do dishes, now, too.
random old photos of food once ate
accompanied with pointless, meaningless drivel.
exciting.
well, what SHOULD i type about?
my back is killing me today?
i don’t want to go to sleep?
tomorrow’s my friday?
i clean my house when i am unhappy.
well, i mean, when something is bothering me.
this is a picture of me being tired of your crap.
casey in my stupid hat and sunglasses.
my atrocious hat and atrocious suit and atrocious face and atrocious body.
i tried to start a painting. what an atrocity. this is not the painting, it is the palette.
pretzel bread. it’s good shit.
roses make me randy, baby.
This One’s Gonna Bruise by Beth Orton
Do you even know what’s going on in a heart anymore
Constellations turned into little polaroids in a cardboard box
And I wanted so desperately to prove
You were still breathing but wouldn’t move
Okay, okay what a thing to choose this one’s gonna bruise
You’ll learn one day won’t you
What you want is bad for the souls in the rain
Afraid of the dark still in pain still in pain
Did you ever notice how the wind didn’t change that much
Fluctuations only sheets that you moved to be sure it was us
And I wanted so desperately to say
That you could trust me but I was lying anyway
okay, okay what a thing to lose
Left out in the rain, misuse
You’ll learn one day won’t you
You’ll learn some day won’t you
What you had was good for a while then it changed
Got too intense made it strange
And I feel bad for you I feel bad for you
But I don’t know why I don’t know why
Cos I’m as dead as you
people exercising.
this could be a funny show, eh?
i ordered my mom’s birthday gift at the last minute and sent a card. i think i have three mailing days. i just hope she gets the stuff on time.
tonight my coworker heather and i hung out at her apartment after work and then went to this evening meditation class. it ended up being just me, her and two other women.
we did a guided meditation to a tropical waterfall paradise. i imagined lots of birds and ferns or foliage and waterfalls. after guiding us to this heaven in the clouds, we sat silently for what was probably thirty minutes. felt like forty five. could have been fifteen? i’m out of practice.
after meditation we sat and chatted for about a half hour or so.
one of the women seemed to always be smiling.
while she talked she was smiling.
i’m not really like that.
it seemed like it was just how she is.
beaming from within with happiness?
not sure.
so, i gave up my usual routine, went out on a limb..
stretched my comfort zone.
hm.
today was definitely good and is definitely good.
thank you.
today, i was watching a bunch of preschoolers use a slide.
there were certain children who would politely and submissively allow the more assertive children (more self-centered, who?)
to CUT in FRONT of them REPeatEDLy!
well, yes, i started to intervene.
certain kids just seem to be totally unaware of anyone else.
they know their goal and it’s like, “hey, will you let me cut in front of you for like ten turns before you even get one?”
and some kids are either unaware of it or just don’t know how to handle it.
my daughter was one of the timid ones. polite?
she seemed to start feeling uncomfortable when i tried to provide some sort of guidance to the children in this situation.
you know, it is not okay to just not go to the end of the line and wait your turn. in society, this is not okay. and what is preschool for if not to properly socialize, as best we are able, our children?
soapbox again, sorry.
i’m a little tiny bit frustrated because i bought a pair of faux chucks for ten bucks and they are two sizes too big. i should have comprehended that i was buying them from the men’s section, but against my better judgment, i got the clown shoes. (no, i did not try them on.) so, i will try to persuade joe to wear them, (if they’ll fit him) or i will try to exchange them, which is just a pain in the derriere if anything ever was. (okay, not that huge of a deal but )
fresh homemade play-doh. salty. the kids were licking their hands. yes, very hygienic. but they make new dough every two days.
the kids literally throw it all over the entire universe.
i was the only person impressed by my octopus drawring.
(uh-oh, only seven legs?! well, no wonder!)
okay children, daddy went to outer space to fetch us dinner so you all need to just behave properly until his return.
little fake peepl
how important is your self image?
i am completely smitten with this owl puppet.
it and i are to be married, december 2012.
there are all these little ‘teeny bopper’ volleyball tournament girls who’ve been coming to the store the past few days… they are basically walking around in their ‘panties’ (gross word)
come on! really? you can’t put on a little denim skirt or some little cutoffs?
you are wearing underwear for pants.
right?
we should wear pants at the grocery store. unless we are at a lake resort and even then sometimes a little shawl wrapped around the waist is an effort to at least present some modicum of decency or if nothing else help everyone concentrate on what they are trying to do without being forced to look at
HAHA forced.
but still… i’m sure someone understands what i am saying here.
and yes, if it were my daughter (mind you many of these girls are with their parents) i would be handing her a skirt as we head in to the grocery store!!! so HA.
sorry, that was my soapbox and oh well. that is how i feel about it.
yes, i guess it is perfectly natural
but
sigh
where has our sense of decency gaga-gone?
haha
ew, now i am sounding all conservative.
life is weird.
and someone said...