hard candy christmas

sup

what? no, they are just baked in a pot. that’s all. get your mind outta the …. gutter?

so to speak

the precious.
we wants it.

let your smile shine

forget you…

yes, i know, we vain human are always going, “but i hate that picture of me” but sometimes it’s the only picture you got and it means something more than ‘everyone looks perfect’
if you know what i am saying.
we make do.

i look tired because i am tired.
drove over 500 miles in two days.

i beg your pardon, i never promised you a rose garden.

yes, i look kind of horrible in this photo. it was taken from a low angle. life goes on.
\

i recently ordered two hours worth of maid service to clean my apartment.
can’t wait. spring cleaning. yay.

i borrowed those earrings from my grandma.

we played ‘Don’t Wake Daddy’

and mousetrap. but that is just building the mouse trap and then playing with it. the game itself seems like it would be insanely complicated and drawn out to play.

sometimes you just have to go out and have fun and not worry about how bad for you all the stuff is you are eating.

and just take a break, quit worrying about every little thing, if only for an hour.

looking forward to reading this!
maybe i’ll start tonight.

you broke all of your promises

i’ve been obsessing over food/nutrition again/lately.
this is cauliflower, miso broth, snap peas, roasted red peppers, brown rice noodles, nutritional yeast, turmeric, and i think a very small amount of coconut oil. threw in some kale chips just because i had them. also a little kelp salt.

yes, my apartment is messy.
old news.
over it.
(not over it, it’s a constant issue for me and shows that i am insane)

i just found out my blood type and i am very excited.
i mean, i knew what it was five years ago; but, had forgotten and wasn’t sure anymore. i am happy because i want to learn more about the Blood Type Diet and how it applies to me. also, i am reading Eat Right for your Genotype right now and am in the process of learning more about that, which is just more information than only Blood Type.
FUN!
i just want to know what foods work well for me and which ones i really should avoid!
it’s the thing to do.

i have been eating miso like it’s going out of style.
it’s a fad for me right now.

i really am aiming at a vegetarian diet.
interested in macrobiotic diet.

i actually pretty much hated that outfit yesterday.
that shirt isn’t right for me and well, the vest isn’t perfect, but it can be cozy and comfy. it’s supposed to be belted but i don’t like to wear belts because it draws attention to my humpback deformed scoliosis spine. :-(

so my blood type is B negative, rh negative.

for the genotype diet you have to look at fingerprints, leg to torso ratio, spatulation of teeth…. buncha stuff like that. lengths of ring finger and index… and general levels of symmetry.

why don’t you?

early spring, my foot!

where is my motivation?
i have very little.

my neighbors’ new bikes. i bet they got them with their tax return. i should do the same. sweet rides!

i cut my hair.
i just flipped my head upside down and cut straight across.

voila easy layers.

got rid of lots of yukky ends, feels smoother, nicer.

i have severe cabin fever.
can’t go very far with this stupid snowy weather, on foot or otherwise.

and yes, i should be cleaning my apartment, but i don’t want to.
i am sorry if that makes me a completely worthless human being.
that’s how it feels, too.
but i just don’t effing WANT to effing CLEAN my effing apartment.
it is way too overwhelming and i don’t feel like it!

forever 21 has so many wonderful necklaces and they are so inexpensive it is insane!

i’ve been out and about traveling the past few days. bus, car, hotel…. now, i am at my mom’s and it’s time to rest a little. vacation all i ever wanted! gonna watch Crazy Heart tonight.

it is amazing how quickly my apartment became totally cluttered. i’ve only lived there for a year and before i moved in, i got rid of practically everything i owned. time for another purge and another move probably within a year.

saw the new disney animated feature Tangled with my mom and my daughter yesterday. i love disney animated features! yes, i cried at the end. my mom thought it was called “Spangle” haha. when she ordered the tickets, that is what she said we wanted to see.

sunny california.

hey, Red Robin, if you’re gonna charge me three dollars for four ounces of chili, at least you could polish the spoon a little? the chili was alright but i felt ripped off.

in the hotel last night we watched 17 Again and The Invention of Lying. i found them both entertaining.

i’ve messed up better, i should know

i used to always be offended by ‘night owl’ types.
sleep and insomnia are weird issues with me.
i know that growing up, i used to spend a lot of time with my grandma
and she had insomnia or sleep issues. she was a nurse and worked PMs. 2-11PM. in the summer time, she used to pick me and my cousin up after she got off work in the middle of the night and we would go to her house and watch Dukes of Hazzard and eat graham crackers with butter, dipped in milk.

in the morning, she would always say she didn’t sleep last night and she would take naps and relished naps. i used to hate her naps because i would sit in bed with her and we would read together (same thing i enjoyed doing with my other grandma, “grammie”) until she fell asleep and then i would go do something else off on my own while she napped. but now that i am an adult, of sorts, i realize what it means to not feel like you got any sleep.

but i used to be an insomniac as a child, anyway. most of my life, i could not go to sleep without reading first. i guess now, i use wine… and that doesn’t lend itself much to good reading before bed. then i would also ‘journal’… but i’ve come to where mostly if i try to write in a journal, i just daydream and doodle. what does that mean? does that mean i have alzheimers? or my brain is probably shrinking… most likely due to accumulated lack of sleep. eh? eh.

i’ve been thinking a lot about a haircut. i don’t want it in order to ‘have a new look’ by any means. i want my hair long. but, it just isn’t feeling very pretty to me lately. maybe it’s because i just don’t have much time to mess with it… i’ve been rubbing oils on the ends. i dunno. people pay ridic amounts of money to have someone else’s hair attached to their own heads so they can feel like they have long hair, so …. sometimes i think maybe i should appreciate what i have and stop worrying about it. also, there’s this girl at my work who had gorgeous long hair which i sometimes envied (maybe all the time) and she recently cut off like four inches and i am fixated on this fact. i’m wondering… does she feel younger? she said she cried. does she regret it? i’m torn. it’s weird when you suddenly get obsessed with the idea of a haircut, isn’t it?

joe has taken to referring to me as Alice. he says i live in some sort of wonderland or something.

i have things to say

i have had some sort of metaphorical but symbolic and also actual lump in my throat all day. annoying.

i forgot my camera today. i forget things a lot. and lose things. and misplace things. totally frustrating. so now my camera is not with me and probably the people who have it, because i left it at their house, will not mail it to me unless i write them a frilly letter with whistles and bows first. okay, well, that just might be the impetus, then. i used to be big on actual correspondence, [via snail mail] back in the day before i got hooked on the innerwebz.

so, now i don’t have my camera and all the pictures i took today of my new sunglasses ($5 cheapo aviators from wally werld) and my new bikini (mix-n-match $5 o.p. from wallyworld as well…) and my one dollar flip flops. you can’t see any of it. because i don’t have a camera. and my phone has a camera but i can’t send picture messages because cricket hates me.

AND i rented two dvds and can’t watch them because i don’t know how to get my dvd player to work even though i know it works because i saw it work just yesterday. so frustrating is my life.

i wanted to rent Hot Tub Time Machine but redbox only had it on blu-ray. so i got AfterLife, a movie with Christina Ricci (hawt) and also a movie with Ben Stiller called Greenwich or something. but i can’t watch them because i am inept.

i am tired of having periods. it is stupid and i hate it.

so, no pictures this time, i guess.

i wanna go home

cool rocks.

pretty soon it will be burning man time.
it is ‘black out’ week at my job. people aren’t aloud to take time off because we will be so busy with all the hippies and freaks who want to come to our store. right? not being rude or mean, just sayin’

it’s gonna be awesome, is what i am saying. the artists. the creatives. yep yep yep.

oh i really love that forklift picture! now i really want to take pictures of myself riding it!

like what is going on with this bus?
i need to go get a q-tip and some alcohol and clean my camera lens. jeesh.

haha. tyra is talking about having a ‘hate crush’ on someone! i know that feeling. what a cool way to talk about it! if i were cooler, i would use hate crush in context without just talking about it as a term, but i am a nerd like that.

i kind of have a very mild ‘hate crush’ on trya. in the sense that i enjoy sort of ‘disliking’ her. you know?

trying to channel “Ariel” from the little mermaid.

bad angle.

my neighbor, casey, has a motorcycle he pretty much never rides.

he let me pose on it, but he doesn’t let anyone ride it, i guess.

this is kind of one of the cutest pictures of me in a while, i think. it looks like when i was a kid.

he says we’ll ride to some hot springs on sunday. yeah right. not gonna happen. you’ll see.

sugar sensitivity

i am not really big on sweets. it’s not that i don’t appreciate the flavor, but i always just say, “pure sugar” and try to pass unless it would simply be rude and annoying to refuse… so i indulge really for the sake of other’s comfort. purely selfless on my part. haha. a selfless act of sugar consumption.

yep. i’m starting to see a pattern here. honeycomb candy is my kryptonite. can’t…. pass….. it up……

must eat.

i’ve sort of found that if i’m going to obsess about something,
it’s kinda entertaining to obsess about food.
my job plays into that, definitely.

i have more at my disposal.
i have the luxury of an option.
(for instance, the salad pictured was take-away from the ‘company picnic’ they said they didn’t want to have to cart any food back so take what you want.)
so daily, i must be responsible for my food choices.
a great way to keep in that mindset, i’ve recently re-discovered,
is to be constantly reading books about diet/nutrition/food.

but all of this focusing and sort of obsessing is not as bad as its close relative, apathy. right? i mean, it’s better than just giving up!

last night: mahi mahi (Trader Joe’s wild caught), steamed fresh spinach, white basmati, cuke and tom salad with italian dressing while watching Andrew Zimmern eat dog doo he picked up off the side of the road and then nod his head and say, “Yeah. that’s good!”

sorry, tangent.

i only brought home that soda (tho it is all natural and has no HFCS) because it was free and i’m a bit of a hoarder, packrat. got that from my grandma. she would take anything if it was free. even if she totally didn’t need or want it. ha.
the wellness formula in the far right background, i paid full price for. like ten bucks. i never use my employee discount card (20%). mostly because i am not organized enough and not enough of a planner to keep track of my card and keep it in a sustainable location. always switching bags and being messy. i lose things a lot.

i just took some macro shots of the detoxitech powder and i really don’t want to load more photos right now so those will have to wait.

i’ve started using the royal jelly again these past few days. wake up, brew a pot of water, use half of it for a cup of tea (english breakfast, whatever’s on hand) put a tea bag in the rest of the water in the pot and let it cool. when it’s lukewarm, add some royal jelly and drink. then do that again except the next time mix the lukewarm tea water with detoxitech and drink.

i’ve been reading that Potatoes Not Prozac book and although it is overly ‘dumbed down’ for commoners, (kidding)
it still has some stuff in it which i find a little fascinating.

i want to check out the website: http://www.radiantrecovery.com/

perhaps i shall do that.

and then i caved and bought these last night, in a moment of emotional weakness. i haven’t opened them yet, but i may as well just eat a box of rat poison, right? i do tend to be a sucker for the tabasco flavor.

and so it goes

one preschooler told me i looked like a scuba diver because of my pants.
ha.
said i had fins, like a mermaid.

here is a picture of paul bunyan’s crotch.

well, it is!

so, i bought some Carnitine. it’s a supplement. that book at least got me to give it a try and see if it helps me in any way. it’s supposed to.

but i am done with that book, now.
feel like i got what i wanted out of it.
on to the next book about diet/food/nutrition.

they all sort of conflict with eachother, all the different theories about what you should or should not eat. it’s sort of like religion. they all have a similar goal, but can’t agree on how to get there. one says carbs the other says protien the next says no grain another says only grain. where will it end? but i still like to read about it. i’m on a kick.

so what book did i get now?
Potatoes Not Prozac, by kathleen desmaisons, phd
it’s more about addiction.
that addictive brains are inherited and need to be fed accordingly.
sugar sensitivity… which can lead to all sorts of complications.
started reading it on the bus.