i know, it’s terrible. the only reason i bought this was because i wanted a smurf toy and even THAT is just buying into ‘their’ mind-control tactics. you can’t escape it! it’s everywhere! my friend tells me i read too much GLP.
i don’t really even have to read it much anymore. i’ve already been clued in.
there is a concert going on in the park right near my apartment. i’ve gone over there a couple of times this summer for that. i have agreed to walk over there tonight.. in about half an hour. i’d really rather not… but i resist things a lot. it’s kinda just how i am.
usually things are not really as bad as i’m afraid they will be. mostly i worry about anxiety. i have it. sometimes it seems unpredictable when it will be there or cause a problem.
i am so lazy and indifferent half of the time that i have to be goaded into working out. one of the things that can be a motivator for me is guilt and a feeling that if someone is paying attention then i can’t get away with not doing what i know i ought to be doing. things like dishes, showering, working out… paying bills, calling people i need to call… all that responsible shit.
i dunno. sometimes i just feel like i already know what it’s like to hang out at a concert in the park and i’ve been there done that and now i want to be a computer nerd couch potato wino with my spare time. maybe that’s selfish of me? i am not sure.
i just live too much in my head. that’s what it is.